this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
