I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
