If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize