I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
