I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize