I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
