bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
