I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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