dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
