If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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