we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
