I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Enjoy the penises
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
