New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
