So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
