So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
