Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
