how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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