just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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