please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize