I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
