I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
