Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
