we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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