so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
