im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
