singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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