just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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