You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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