in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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