he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
