i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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