She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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