Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
