we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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