I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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