You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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