Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
