Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
