He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
