His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
