He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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