at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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