If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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