That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
