my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize