I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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