her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
