This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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