Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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