How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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