So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize