I just threw up on my dentist
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
