Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My ATM looks so different sober.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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