So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
