i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You are the jesus of drinking
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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