he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
