Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
