he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
