I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
