I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
