My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
