He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
