you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
