Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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