the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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