You just made me feel so damn special
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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