I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
