we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
