Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
