How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
