Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
