I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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