I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize