just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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