I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
