we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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