Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize