At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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