It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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