tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
