sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
