did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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