Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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