At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
