You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
