Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
