Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
