i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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