if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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