I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
