And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
