we're chasing vodka with high fives
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
