I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
