i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
