508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
