I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Buhtt sex?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
