3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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