Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
