My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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