Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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