I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
