Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
