K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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