I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
