That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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