Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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