I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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