Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
